My heart hurt a little this morning when we woke up, knowing that this would be the last time we would see Roman for a while. I had dreamt about him most of the night before and was now bracing myself for the inevitable. How were we going to leave him?
Instead of playing inside, we were able to bundle Roman up and together, with the interpreter and driver, we walked to a local park. It took a while since we let Roman walk some of it (we had left the stroller at the baby home) and it was hard work on his little legs. He seemed much more content to walk today and maybe that was, in part, due to the sunshine. At the park, we alternated between the swing, the slide and the see-saw. He enjoyed the see-saw, didn't care for the slide and loved the swing. He started to get very still in the swing and his blinks were getting longer and slower, but he'd still thrown his head back and grin when I pulled him in. We played for about 15 minutes and noticed that he started dropping the goldfish on the way to his mouth, something he hadn't done before and we realized quickly that he was very tired. Brock picked him up, sat on a bench and laid him back on his arm and they both just gazed at each other. Tatiana and Denis were sitting on a bench at the end of the playground and I was thankful they were giving us these last few precious moments as a family. Roman put his little thumb in his little mouth and curved his little finger over his little nose and with his other hand he reached up and grabbed Brock's shirt right over his heart. Even though he was just holding the textured fabric, he was actually grasping his Daddy's heart. I felt the sacredness of the moment as I watched Brock's eyes tear up as he stroked our son's cheek with his finger and Roman seemed to fall asleep. I was starting to tear up, too, realizing that that was probably the last time we would see his blue eyes this trip, but he fluttered them open one more time, locked eyes with his Daddy and, with a sigh, drifted off to sleep.
He giveth and giveth and giveth again.
We walked slowly back to the baby home taking turns carrying him on our shoulder. He was heavy, but it was a welcome weight. The hole in my heart was filled with the bundle of this little one in my arms. We were Mommy and Daddy taking turns treasuring the too few moments we had left with him for a while. Brock and I both let the other walk alone with him at different times, so we could whisper quietly in his sleeping ear. Mine was a simple prayer I still remember from my childhood.
May the LORD bless you and keep you
May He cause His face to shine upon you
Be gracious to you
And give you peace.
We arrived at the baby home too quickly and with our hearts in our throats, we handed him back to "Judy Denche". She cooed in his ear and smiled at us and quietly walked him upstairs. And, just like that, it was time. Time for us to go home and prepare the way for him to come to his forever home. God does indeed place the solitary in families. Halfway around the world, he prepared this little boy for us and us for this little boy for we have prayed for this child and the LORD has granted us what we have asked of Him. (I Samuel 1.27) And never more than now do we realize that every good and perfect gift comes from Him.