Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Waiting Game

We keep waiting and waiting and waiting.  Nothing new has happened yet, but Brock and I both feel to our bones that something is brewing.  They say a watched pot never boils, but that isn't true.  It's excruciatingly slow, but eventually the water will boil. 

I woke up in the middle of the night on Thursday thinking about P90X with Tony Horton.  For those of you who are not familiar with the program, it is a DVD workout series that is designed to make every fiber in your body ache.  So much fun!  There is one particular exercise on the PlyoX routine called the Airborne Heisman.  I'll explain.  In this exercise, you have to stand on your right leg while pulling your left knee into your chest.  You must hold that position for a second or two and then leap off your right leg to balance on your left leg while simultaneously pulling your right knee into your chest where you hold that position for a second or two and then switch again.   During the exercise, Tony gives instructions to fine tune your movement so that you are working your muscles to their highest potential.  It was his comments that kept repeating in my brain when I woke up.  "You've gotta hold the Heisman.    That hold is important.  Hold.  That's where the magic is.  Stop and then Go."  The object is not to stay in the "hold" position for the duration of the exercise.  If that were the case, I could "hold" on the couch in front of the television.  The hold is an important part of working the leg muscles, but it is only a part.  Right this moment, for this season, we are in a "Hold" position with Roman.  And I felt like God was telling me that this hold is important.  "All things work together for good for those who love the LORD and who are called according to His purpose."  ALL things.  I may never understand why this last leg of the journey had to be so challenging, but I do understand to the best of my ability that God has not forgotten about us and that, even in this, the path He has orchestrated for us is deliberate and beneficial.  In the physical exercise of holding, the muscle is built and balance is perfected.  In the spiritual exercise of holding, (waiting) faith is built and a different kind of balance is being perfected.  This hold is important.  This is where the magic is.  It's in the hold.  God already knows the day, hour and minute that we will see our son again.  For this moment, I'm okay not knowing and not understanding why.  I have a God who is still in control.  And He loves me enough to give my faith a workout so it can grow.  Brock and I have such a peace that we will be in front of a judge before October 5th-the day our medicals will expire.  We believe that God will work it all out for our family.  But even if He does not, He is still God and He still knows what is best.

We are also learning that, for us, waiting is not a passive activity.  Waiting passively is laziness.  Waiting purposefully develops patience.  It makes me chuckle now to think of how many times we caution each other against praying for patience.  It is a hard lesson to learn, but oh so necessary if we want our character to more closely resemble that of Christ's.  So, for us today, waiting purposefully means we still prepare for the child we so strongly believe that God has given us.  We read books that give us ideas as to how we can help him develop emotional bonds with us.  We research activites and games that might help him developementally catch up to where he "should" be.  We pray for him constantly.  And we take opportunities to appreciate things that are so common to us now but will change drastically when he gets here.

Yesterday I was at the store picking up a few things when a woman stopped me and asked if we had our son home yet.  She told me that she prayed for us everyday.   I was completely humbled.  I recognized her face, but at the moment I couldn't think of her name and yet she prays for us every day.  Brock and I made the conscious decision to be very public about this adoption from the beginning because we believed that it would give us an incredible opportunity to witness and minister to other people.  Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine how many people God would bring to minister to us through this process.  We have made new, precious friends, deepened other relationships and built bonds that will last a lifetime.  There have been times when it has been hard to be in the public eye when we have experienced something deeply and painfully personal, but more often than not, we are so grateful that God has put such an extensive community around us that has literally wept with us, rejoiced for us and prayed over us.  And it has forever changed us.

I want to close with just a few words about our "100 for 100".  Each contribution has been an answer to prayer.  People I have never met before have contributed.  People Brock has never met before have contributed.  Even people neither one of us have met have contributed.   Life-long friends have contributed.  People we've met one time have contributed.  People who haven't been able to give an entire 100 have contributed what they could.  People have contributed for more than one slot.  There are millions of orphans in this world.  Babies without mommies and daddies.  Children who are dressed in rags and don't get enough to eat.  Children who can't go to school because they must work to survive.  Little ones who don't know what it feels like to be told that they are loved and precious everyday.  But they are loved.  They are precious.  These children are God's treasures and I know His heart is crushed over every single underpriviledged child.  Brock and I have been called for this season to take one of those orphans out of that equation.  We may be priviledged enough to get to do it again in another season.  Your $100 may not make a difference in the world of orphans, but it is making a world of difference in the life of one.  From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for partnering with us to change Roman's legacy.

1 comment:

  1. ashley! praying with you! thank you for writing you're thoughts so openly. I love hearing what you are learning through this process God has you and Brock on. may the Lord hear and answer your prayers mightily.