I feel like we are on a downward spiral. We received word today that the judge is refusing to talk to anyone representing us in this adoption. She still has not set a court date, but she has issued letters to the 10 Russian families who refused Roman. I pray that she is not waiting for these families to divulge the intimately personal reasons they refused a child while Roman sits in a baby home and we sit with our life on hold, yearning for our son. Why is it so easy for some? Why is this happening to us? Isaiah tells me "a broken reed He will not break and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. In faithfulness He will bring forth justice..." Isaiah 42.3 I wasn't there when He laid the foundations of the earth. My voice didn't speak creation into existence. I feel so helpless and isolated right now. No one knows what to say. No one has any answers except the One who seems so silent. No one can give us what we so desperately long for except the judge who is ignoring us and the God who is quiet.
We do okay when we have the next step to take. Come back in two weeks. Go home for now. But the waiting with no end in sight is terrible. We have no recourse right now except to trust the One who will vindicate us....in His time. I just want Roman's little head to lay on his little pillow in a room that has been ready for far too long.
I don't mean to be so fickle. I don't mean to trust You one minute and question Your timing in the next. Forgive me. Our wicks are smoldering, LORD. Will you give us an indication that we are still on the right track? Please continue to protect Roman. Keep him healthy and whatever is the very best for him, please do it quickly. Guard our hearts and minds and help us remember that we just need enough mercy to make it through one day at a time.